It concerns partners

On the S.O.S. Grossesse helpline, around 10% of calls come from partners. Although society often associates pregnancy exclusively with pregnant people, partners generally play a key role in the associated decisions and processes.

The announcement of a pregnancy, whether planned or not, can bring its share of emotions. You may feel isolated from the decision-making process regarding the outcome of the pregnancy, you may feel joy at the announcement, you may be confused and ambivalent about the situation. What actions can you take from here?

First of all, take the time to let the dust settle and experience your emotions. It’s possible for them to be mixed: joy, fear, sadness, discomfort – and that’s perfectly normal. It’s okay to be confused about the possible outcomes of a pregnancy and to question yourself about the role you want to play in the reflection process, but also about the aftermath associated with pregnancy, whether you’re in a couple or not.

There are 3 outcomes to pregnancy:

• Continue to become a parent;
• Continue to give up for adoption;
• Interrupt pregnancy.

It is important to remember that only the pregnant person can choose the outcome of the pregnancy.¹. Nevertheless, the partner can and is encouraged to take part in the reflection process. You can’t choose the outcome of the pregnancy, but you can express your feelings, fears, desires and limitations.

To guide your thinking, here are a few questions to ask yourself:

• What is my opinion on each pregnancy outcome?
• What do I want the pregnancy to achieve?
• How do I know my partner won’t take my opinion into account in her decision?
• How do I plan to continue my relationship with my partner?

Once you’ve started to think about it, it’s important to share it with your partner. To facilitate the conversation, the two people involved must be willing to communicate:

• Find the ideal moment for discussion: in the evening after dinner, while taking a walk, in the morning at breakfast…
• Determine the best way to communicate: by telephone, by writing a letter you can recite, in the presence of a loved one…

The following steps are taken from the principles of non-violent communication²can help you formulate your thoughts:

• Naming the facts, without judgment: Announcing the pregnancy makes me…
• Express your feelings triggered by the situation: The pregnancy announcement makes me anxious/fearful/happy .
• Associating our feelings with our needs and values: The announcement of my pregnancy makes me anxious, because I feel powerless in the face of the situation.
• Formulate a concrete, negotiable request: The announcement of my pregnancy makes me anxious, because I feel powerless in the face of the situation. I’d like to get involved in the decision-making process, what do you think?

Don’t hesitate to contact us for support, or just to vent!

* The masculine form is used to reflect the fact that the partners who call us are mainly men. We use the feminine for the partner, as it’s mostly heterosexual couples who call us.